I know there are about a thousand so-called definitive Best and Worst Worst Dressed lists already circulating the internet. You, as I do, probably agree with some of their choices and not with others. I don't pretend to have the final say on who looked great and who didn't, but I do want to share my favorites and my disappointments and offer some thoughts on why certain looks worked while others didn't.
Please comment with your own opinions; I'd love to hear them.
Fun things first:
My Favorites
JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
A very pregnant Kristen Bell looked absolutely ADORBS in a cap-sleeved Jenny Packham gown. I am such a sucker for cap-sleeves anyway, and the way the bodice framed her bosom and tummy was so flattering. This lady is super adorable anyway (as evidenced here), but she was definitely in full form on Sunday.
JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
We cool if I just front load this post with opulent cap-sleeved confections? Good. I'm a woman obsessed. Michelle Dockery was perfection in Alexandre Vauthier. Beyond even the gown, her makeup, hair and styling hit all the right notes for me.
SARA DE BOER/STARTRAKS & JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
I really love a long-sleeved gown on the red carpet as well. A front keyhole, whether modest or plunging does a lot to keep frumpiness at bay. Naomi Watts and Kate Hudsen both nailed this look in Zac Posen and Alexander McQueen respectively. Notice how the covered-up look stays interesting through the use of a saturated color, in the case of the Posen, or metallic embellishments in the case of the McQueen. Glorious.
FREDERIC J. BROWN/AFP/GETTY IMAGES & David Fisher/Rex/Rex USA
Somebody had to bring the fun, spring pastels to the party, and I ardently admire Kelly Osbourne and Lucy Liu for answering the call with the help of Zac Posen and Carolina Herrera respectively. Their gowns had totally different shapes, not to mention the bold patten of the Herrera one (which brought to mind images of Marie Antoinette at Versailles).
I knew the moment I saw Lucy Liu, that she would take a lot of hate for this gown, but I unabashedly love it. She clearly does too, and I commend her for wearing it. Also, that fishtail braid was a stroke of inspiration! An up-do would have made her look like a little girl playing princess; but the braid says, "Hey, isn't this fun!"
As for Kelly Osbourne, you've just got to hand it to someone who matches her lavender hair to a mint gown and then adds a robin's egg clutch. Her expression in the photo says, "I am having SO MUCH fun, but even if she weren't smiling, that would have been quite evident from her look."
JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
There's really not much to say about the serene minimalist perfection that is Anne Hathaway in this Chanel gown. The shape and color are perfect on her, and show off her dark pixie cut. She just nailed it.
JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
I'm usually bored by a straight-up bombshell look like the one Claire Danes brought to the table; red gown with plunging neckline, loose blonde hair... I'm yawning. But, I have to hand it to Danes' stylist, this Versace gown did wonders to give her sexy curves I never thought she had. And, it made a nice surprise after last year's gamine look (which I also adored). Sometimes you have to switch it up.
My Disappointments
JORDAN STRAUSS/INVISION/AP
Okay, I know I just said that sometimes you have to switch it up, but sometimes you really should go back to what you were doing last year. This is Jessica Chastain's year to bring home The Big One, so it really pains me that she looked a thousand times better on literally any of these other red carpets. Honestly, during her acceptance speech, I just kept trying to be happy for her, but mostly I was just hoping her boob didn't pop out. That Calvin Klein gown owes her a big apology.
SARA DE BOER/STARTRAKSPHOTO.COM
It is seriously hard to make Halle Berry's not look amazing, but somehow this Atelier Versace dress manages it. Let's not even discus the fact that it seems to be made out of a scarf you'd see tossed over a lamp in some fortune teller's caravan or a middle schooler's bedroom circle 1997. Instead, might I direct your eye to the bustline. I know it's really hard to even concentrate because that patten is going in a million directions at once, but are her breasts two different sizes??? No, they're not. We all know they're not, so why does her gown make them look like they are? Because IT'S TERRIBLE, and it should publicly apologize for slander against Halle Berry's hotness.
JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
Oh, Lena, Lena, Lena, where do I begin? I know that your career is kind of based on your image as A Total Mess, but maybe you could trust the public to be able to separate your character from yourself and appear in public now and then looking good or, you know, not terrible.
I know, as a woman with a far-from-celebrity-perfect-body that it's harder for you to pick a gown than it is for many of the others. And clearly even a perfect body doesn't guarantee a perfect red carpet moment (*cough*Halle Berry*cough*). But you could start by not picking a gown in a shape and color that would suit Glen Close. You are my age, and you are accepting a Golden Globe in a mother-of-the-bride dress for God's sake!
Also, it's okay that you walk like a linebacker when you put on heels; they take practice after all, but maybe you should freaking not wear heels if your'e going to lose every ounce of grace that gown might have afforded you every time you take a step.
The Facial Hair that Stole the Show
Let's be honest for a moment. We all love gowns, but the real reason we tune in is for the the facial hair. I'm exaggerating its importance a bit, maybe, but really, exaggerate this!
JASON MERRITT/GETTY IMAGES
I want Bill Murray to always look like this. His windswept slightly-crazy-old-man hair and Civil-War-era mustachio are freaking amazing, and I'm honestly contemplating framing this photo and hanging it on my wall.
Also Ben Affleck looks damn fine with a beard. Oh, and congratulations Ben Affleck on a job well done. But really, Best Performance by a Beard on a Best Director Nominee, am I right?
SARA DE BOER/STARTRAKSPHOTO.COM
What were your favorite and least favorite gowns of the night? Do you have any favorite facial hair? Please share.
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